Happy Valentine

I don’t remember the last time I spent Valentine alone. It was so long ago I suppose.

I hate Valentine actually. I would always specifically tell my “special someone” not to give me flowers or anything on Valentine because I don’t want to be that smug girl carrying a bouquet of flowers that’ll cause allergy attacks to the girl sitting beside her. Ugh! But somehow, knowing that I have a “Valentine”, someone who loves me dearly, gave me so much comfort and happiness then.

Now, I don’t know what to feel. Hahahahaha! I just can’t imagine myself saying this actually. I’m in my late 20’s for crying out loud!!! Oh Aubrey, get a grip! Kidding!!

Yes, I don’t know what to feel but pain is not part of my options. I am actually happy. Happy and maybe a little sad at the same time. And well, a bit jealous and uhm, add a teaspoon of confusion to the concoction. But one thing I am sure of, I deserve this break. My poor, old, battered, shattered heart deserve this break so much. And I know that she is happy that I am finally giving her a rest. Sometimes you have to get out of your comfort zone. Distance yourself from the things that you are so familiar with. Be somewhere new. Try something new. Embrace the freshness and raw feeling of the inevitable.

This time I will try to focus on myself and enjoy this weird lifestyle -  singlehood. I am a strong woman and I want to believe that I don’t need anybody to make me happy. But I know I’d kill myself first before you hear me say those words. Or well, most probably my bestfriend would kill me first before I even get the chance to hold the knife. Malamang sasabihin nun habang sinasaksak ako, “echosera ka! Ikaw? Don’t need anybody? Charot!” Hahahaha…

But no seriously, someday I hope I can go back to this blog post and tell myself how ridiculous I used to be. I hope when that time comes, I can just smile and shrug this off as yet another phase in my life. It is very difficult for me to write this but I have to admit it and publish it so there’s a proof that I did say it – I can feel it breaking…